Letter From The Angry Ex-Girlfriend.

I'm sick of being eloquent! I just want to throw a fit, okay?!
You left me out to dry and acted like I didn't mind the silence,
 who do you think you are?!
You cookie cutter guy with your magazines stashed where you wouldn't I won't find them, say they don't matter, just say it again!
Look me in the eye when you say you didn't realize what was going down!
I asked you to be strong for me, but that didn't seem to work for you
I'm just a mouth to kiss and a sack of skin to touch and pretend is worth listening to.
HELLO, YOU, YES YOU! I AM TALKING TO YOU AND YOU NEVER PAID ATTENTION.
 those times we were out too late?
 I regret to mention,
just a product of my stored up tension,
 reaction to men's stinging condescention and reaction to the cold, dark censure of my life's rigidity,
I gave up much too much of me.
Its you I see, all bold and brass,
trading me for work, like I'm not worth the cash
 you'd lose
 to buy your tech and booze
 and the cigarettes that kill you from inside,
 despite the fact you said you'd  put them aside.
All of these?
LIES.
I'm so sick of these LIES.
I will never lie
beside you for the rest of my life,
spending each day just being emptied inside
of all the life I once had and the hope I held on to,
I wish I'd never found you.

I'm so glad to be rid of you
and the sting of the sin you'd use to get your way
But now the sun is coming up, my friends are getting up to start their day
So I might as well join them, now that this poems done.
Hope you get to read this, hope you get to see that I'm not yours anymore
"We" were only a revolving door that you exit through,
and I enter, new and refreshed, because I've been blessed with forgiveness
Now I'll extend it to you, because this was just a letter from the angry ex-girlfriend,
 but that's not who I am anymore.
Whether good things or bad, all things come to an end,
and this message I send, this is it.
Let's board up the revolving door and just wave
and then never look back as we go our separate ways.

The Anatomy of Broken Things

Blood in my veins and tears in my eyes, 

I guess I'm still living, if sense still applies.

Hair covers my head, and skin covers sinew,

But my hands won't stop shaking and I can't stop you

You'll leave regardless...

Regardless of me and my repenting demeanor,

Regardless of times when our hearts were much keener.

The exquisite snap of a word said in haste

like the crack of a slap from my hand on your face.

Gone are the days when my words were like kisses,

now they're as sharp as a knife in your fist is.

Suddenly, careless words fall into a line

That you'll stay to your side of and I'll keep to mine.

Ascend

I will never cease to follow.
While my own world crumbles at the sides, and the road falls away behind me, I will run toward you and not look back.
There is a world of Horrors at my heels, but your hand pulls me along and out of their grasp, but not so far that I'll forget that you save me.

I will put my trust in you,
Your power is enough to cause the rocks and mountains to sing,  and you're worthy of every note and more...
The songs that flow from our pens and the pages we fill with words are so limited in relation to how beautiful you really are.

My father, I will trust you.
Though the world  around me screams for my attention, I will place you before me forever.
Make me pure, my God, and cleanse my heart and my motives.
Renew my mind and clean my lips.
Show me your beauty, and my eyes will glow like fire.
The intensity of your presence will kill the death in me.

Give me a new name, and I'll let go of me.

The Fall

"Wretched Thing..." I say to her
She can't be me, but my hands on my face mirror hers.
My face in the mirror is unrecognizable, my lips dripping with blood and cuts, mud smeared into the open scratches on my face.
I throw water in my eyes, and push my face under the tap to wash away that reflection
I scrub at my skin, thinking the more soap I use, the warmer the water, the more forcefully I wash, the easier it will be to forget the things I've done.

I never meant to fight.

I never meant to fall.
I didn't start out trying to become this thing that I am.

But this mind of mine, the tongue in my head...
it breaks bones and shatters skulls.
It sends me to my grave.

My actions and my every word reek of death.
I cry and scream of beauty,
but the words become just swears and sin as soon as they've been said
There is no breath or heart to beat inside my empty chest.
I press my face to the reflection and as I do she says
"How can you say you're living when your heart's weighed down with lead?"

I'm not going to be super poetic this month: It's good to see your face again.

Still Love

Look down at my hands, see the spots where dirt accumulates in the space under my nails.
this wasn't something I wanted to be, lower than a worm and of less importance.
It's the futile things I fill my arms with, and unimportant whims that consume me.
I'm blind to all that is holy, and the road to sin is all too clear.
________________________________________
Was I born for this life of uselessness?!
I dream of much more than my selfishness
I want to give you everything but my empty promises,
but I hold my best back, push you away
Hold on to my lack, and hide from the day

What makes you wait for me?
What is it in me that you see so worth keeping?
How when I've hurt you so much, do you still love me?
Do you still love me?


Somehow I still think I can fool you,
somehow I can hide my sin from your view,
And spend all my days in the worst things I could do
 try to clean up the outside, and keep the mud in
make attempts to look holy, while wrapped up in sin

What makes you wait for me?
What is it in me that you see so worth keeping?
How when I've hurt you so much, do you still love me?
Do you still love me?

A thousand times over, I've killed you
A thousand times over,You've cried all your tears out for me
After everything I put you through


Loving, you died for me
You saw the part of me, so deep, that's worth keeping
And even as I nailed you to the cross, you still loved me.
Oh God, you still love me.
Jesus, you love me.

I cried myself to sleep, aching for your voice to finally hit my ears, or to bounce off the sides of my skull, So lost in the brokenness of a late hour and the future closing in.
They say that emptiness is where you find your way in, and if that's the case, my spirit is an open door.
I've been falling for days and I haven't hit the ground but I can see it looming just beyond my outspread fingers.
Pull me back and pull me up into your arms again.
because I can't bear the pain of impact.
Father, just carry me for a while.