Tuesday, October 28, 2008

To Get Out Alive.

It doesn't take much for me to find some inspiration.

I was just standing in the kitchen doing dishes and a quote came to me... its from my favorite artist, Eric Timm.
Roughly paraphrased (because I have a crappy memory) he said " Don't confuse God with Man's shortcomings."

It seems like not matter how hard we try, those of us who are christians are always stuffed into the box of " Well, this is what one christian did to me so you are all that way". And being as young as I am, I have to deal with that a lot. I have been expected to defend my faith against onslaughts from teachers, the usual teasing and such from classmates. Things like that make me feel so young in my faith (which I am, I'm just a baby. I walked for a while, but then I fell, crawled and now I am back to taking my first wobbly steps on my new feet). I am expected to make amends for things I haven't done and can not make up for. And anyone who knows me knows that when I get put on the spot, I lose my guts and end up flustered and not saying what I want to.

The one thing that people need to realize about christians is that we are still human. We can try all we want to put up the front of being perfect, having it all together and having all the answers. But the real deal is that NONE OF US, not a single christian living today has it all together. We are a broken people. Thats the plain and simple truth.

The thing with having a relationship with Christ ( I don't use the term Christianity. it is impersonal.) is that by accepting Him, you are accepting that you are broken, needy and wanting. You accept that you have faults and you fall, and then God helps you get through it. Getting through stuff, THAT is real life. Without God, its very hard to come by. You can't blame your problems (or other people's problems with you) on God, but you CAN find relief and forgiveness from current problems or past mistakes in Him. My point: GOD IS NOT A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD. He IS however the key to getting out whole and alive.


I'm so fragile.
one touch and I fall to pieces,
One mis-step and I snap in two.
Its hard for me to admit it.
I am susceptible to so many things.

One of these things that gets me is embarrassment and the anger that results from it. Its something I can't quite control, the way I let things get to me. Today this kid in a class I'm in pointed out in a rude way that my pants were slipping in the back and called it and me "disgusting"( it WAS only my back. and I doubt he saw much of that even...) and then went on a war path to completely tick me off (That was what he was doing, hes like that). I went off on him for it, but apparently I handled it well and didn't get myself in trouble. The teacher herself told me I handled it so well she didn't need to intervene.
Today was his lucky day.
Usually, I fly off the handle and yell and scream ( and occasionally throw things,if I am angry enough.haha, just kidding guys!mostly...) But this one time, with this one intentionally aggravating guy, I didn't and I don't understand it. I don't even TALK to this guy, why should I show HIM, of all people, mercy?

I don't understand myself sometimes...