"Holding on" video

This isn't gonna be my monthly post, but I thought it was worth sharing. This guy is really a poet, and his songs and videos are incredible and have such great stories.

Missing.

These streets seem so different without your hand in mine.
I remember walking with you, talking about nothing but at the same time sharing everything.
Do you remember those days?
The days we swore wouldn't end, but when the leaves left the trees we followed their lead and parted ways.
Now the sun shines again, and the cold is forgotten.
Are you coming back? Or are you planning on just forgetting what it was like?
I can't get past the loss of that part of my soul you filled with just being here.
Are you haunted by the ghost of my shadow and do you think you hear me call your name in a crowd?
Have you just forgotten me completely?
If you hear me, come back.
If you miss me, come back.
I'll be there.

Oh my god, you are beautiful.
Deep in my restlessness, I feel your stirring
and my heart calls out, desperate and reaching "Holy, precious, worthy"
That you could see past the dirt and the scratches and see something worth saving is beyond me, but I'm glad.

No matter what I've done, no matter what sin has me entangled, you LOVE me. You forgive me and you want the best for me.
ME, as low as I am, you still see me from the heights on which you stand.
Make my mouth a captive to your praise, let me sing to you with every note.
My every breath belongs to you.

Would you go to war for me?

God! you know I'm trying, but this fight is so much bigger than me!
Its like a possession, some demon wrenches control of my mind and my hands away from me.
I know you are bigger than this, I know this disease can be killed by you.
So Jesus, please help me. I've got to get past this but it refuses to move.

I have got to sing.
My vocal chords strain for the sounds, and I sputter syllables that are unrecognizable as words.
My brain is a jumble of thoughts that I can't seem to organize into anything worthy of expressing.
Everything I know is falling, everything in me is failing.
God, I need a moment of revelation, give me a new life and fill me with your breath again.
I can't handle all of this... any of this.

I've Awakened.

And suddenly your issues aren't so pretty.
No, no. Don't get me wrong, I still love you.
All the same, the realization scares me.
The brokenness that drew me to you, I see now, isn't as attractive as I thought.
The scars that cross your spirit inspire me to pity, and I see the fight you've had.
The ever-constant battle to see the good, the scratches that cover your palms and knees from the falls that you've had.

Love Essay

“4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Since ancient times, people have recognized the importance of romantic love. We have stories and murals, plays and rituals all designated towards the honoring of romantic Eros love. There is, however, another form of love that has equally inspired humanity to create, Agape love. This love is unending and unconditional, and is usually associated with God. As a Christian, I have seen the power of this love. It is because of this background that I believe that it is impossible to have true romantic love without the love of God.

The world we live in isn’t kind. Even in the times when we are the happiest, there is still a world outside, unavoidable and striving for nothing more than to tear apart a good attitude. When love has taken over, there is nothing more that we want than to protect it and keep it safe from harm. Romantic love has a serious flaw in that when we fall completely, we don’t even brace for the impact. This is where the problem ensues; with defenses down and the war still raging outside the protected bubble, stepping outside poses an immediate and extreme danger. Any problem that comes your way has the potential to become an atomic bomb. Agape love speaks through your conscience in these moments, giving little warnings. Whether we choose to heed them or not, they are there, telling us to be on the lookout for the problems on the way.

As anyone who’s been in a relationship that failed probably knows, it is extremely hard to make things works if the views of one person involved differ from their significant other’s. This doesn’t only apply to religion, but differing views on things like pre-marital sex, drug use or even something as simple as politics can spell disaster. It’s hard to establish a common ground with someone who was brought up differently. For example: while one might think that premarital sex is fine and is natural in the progression of a relationship, the other might see it as something that should be preserved and saved for one person. Of course, both would want to find common ground, which results in a compromise. In most situations, compromise is good. But on things where moral values are involved, this usually means that one side gives in to the other. For a person to waver their convictions for their love is not the ideal situation. Agape love teaches those involved to respect the beliefs of the other and be selfless, thinking of the other before themselves. This works best when both involved agree to live this way, exercising not only their romantic love, but their self-less unconditional Agape love for each other.

Agape love is unconditional. That means that whatever is done, whatever happens, agape love is not taken away. Anyone exercising agape love forgives and forgets. Romantic love is jealous, and when the trust that goes along with it is betrayed, there is rarely any going back to the way things were. Reconciliation and romantic love have a hard time meshing. Often, the one who is hurt refuses to forget or forgive. However, when agape love works with romantic love it is much easier for those involved to forgive and move on.

Bob Dylan once said “You can't be wise and in love at the same time.” Romantic love isn’t wise; it is crazy, unexplainable and exciting. Like anything fitting that description, it has its dangers. Not that it should be avoided, not in the least. What is necessary is for those involved to have a secondary love for each other that is wise and unconditional to counter the shortcomings of their passion. Agape love and romantic love are perfect complements, and to truly love someone, it is necessary to unconditionally care for them.

Being Persistent and loving like Christ.

Today I got my first taste of what ministry is like.
I know I know, I'm 17 and I am not a certified minister/pastor/preacher/what-have-you, BUT as a daughter of Christ, gifted with the power of his spirit (like everyone who calls Jesus their savior) , I am a missionary and a warrior. Everyday I go out onto the mission field, a veritable battle field.

But today was the first time I really saw what it is like to try to convince an unbelieving world of the truth of who God is.

I have a friend. He's about the same age as me, in my classes, we hang out a lot around school and talk all the time over Instant Messenger. This morning, I wake up and turn on my computer and he starts Iming me. and out of nowhere he says he deleted me from his MySpace friends. When I asked him why, he responded that I was part of the system.( "PART OF THE SYSTEM MAAANN!!") and went on to clarify that by "System", he meant the church. No particular denomination, just the church.

After some coaxing, he explained he had some deep-seated grudges against the church due to a camp him parents sent him to as a kid as a punishment. When he got tired of the camp he tried to get kicked out, and when he finally succeeded the pastor of the camp went all fire-and-brimstone on him and his friends and told them they were corrupted souls that needed to be cleansed. Thus, he established that all Christians and God hate everyone who doesn't put up with the crap this church put him through.

I tried to explain that God isn't into torture.
No dice.

I tried explaining that God's love is a choice.
No dice.

I tried telling him that not all Christians are terrible people who want nothing more than to make you feel like crap.
STILL NOTHING.

By the end of this whole thing, I felt like blocking him and cutting him out entirely. But then, i was smacked over the head with this " enduring love" thing. In spite of everything we do, in spite of the way we close our ears to it, it still remains that Jesus loves us and died for us and he is still gonna knock at the door. He doesn't stop loving us, He doesn't stop trying to win us over. So why should I?